What's Your Banner?

We will rejoice in your salvation, and in the name of our God we will set up our banners!

-- Psalm 20:5 NIV

The other verses in this psalm indicate a military context for "setting up banners", which just might be relevant to my struggle to overcome several character defects. As I considered the banners that I raise in my efforts, I concluded that I all too often hoist one emblazoned PERFECTION.

• I fuss and stew over decisions regarding certain purchases: Is this the best bargain? What if I buy this item now and find a better deal later? Am I sure this is the best way to spend my money?

This is perfectionism masquerading as prudence. I can get almost totally paralyzed not wanting to make a "mistake" with my budget and rob myself of the freedom of making, then accepting a reasonable decision, without fear of judgment (my own).

• I hang on to magazines and books long past their actual usefulness to me: Will I need this information later? Will I want to read this again? What if someone I know wants to borrow this book?

This too is an attempt to protect myself from making mistakes. This time it's a fear of letting go of something and needing it later. I end up burying the beauty and tranquility of my home under an avalanche of printed matter that I rarely review.

• I don't start working on projects that need to be done because I can't finish them in one fell swoop: I can't start cleaning up this room because I don't have time to put all the clutter away, get the vacuum out, dust, empty the trash, etc. etc... I can't start clearing the science projects out of the refrigerator because I don't have time to empty all the shelves and wash down the entire interior.

Again, a manifestation of my addiction to the emotional surge that comes from having done something perfectly. If I merely bite off a small chunk of the project at hand, let's say empty the trash and put away some clutter, it won't "feel" right (translate: perfect). If I merely toss out the funky vegetables and wipe up a few milk spatters the frig won't sparkle. But in both instances, the small portion of the project that would actually get done would be a big improvement, just not everything-all-at-once.

Having made my case regarding the Perfection banner, I'd like to go on record as wanting to replace it with a banner called ACCEPTANCE:

• It's OK to pay a little more for an item and not spend hours consumed by a rather minor decision.
• It's OK to read a magazine or book and then just recycle or give it away.
• It's OK to accomplish a small portion of a larger task rather than continue to delay it waiting for an elusive big block of time.

But Perfection is not the only banner that I'd like to exchange.

• WANTING OTHERS TO KNOW I'M RIGHT. Exchange for: MEEKNESS.
• I OWE MYSELF THIS INDULGENCE (could be an edible, or putting off an unpleasant but necesary task, or using more than my share of conversation time, etc.) Exchange for: SELF-CONTROL.
• AVOIDING CONFLICT AT THE EXPENSE OF DOING WHAT'S RIGHT. Exchange for: BOLDNESS WITH KINDNESS.

Mindfulness of my tendency to operate under these self-defeating banners seems to be the first step in letting go of my habit of reaching for them. Having a bead on what I'm actually doing will free me to choose to raise a fitting replacement instead. Gradually, if I stay on task, lifting positive banners will become the norm.

ACCEPTANCE PEACE HOPEFULNESS

PROGRESS FORGIVENESS PLAYFULNESS

LOVE CONFIDENCE MEEKNESS KINDNESS

ENDURANCE BOLDNESS FAITHFULNESS