My Kingdom Divided Against Itself
Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand.
When I read this verse several months ago, I made a note to myself to ponder it further. As I glanced at it this evening, I realized I have a real life experience to illustrate this one.
[I will take the liberty of applying the principle of being "divided against" (which in this verse is related to a kingdom, city, or house) to an individual. Since a person has many properties in common with a kingdom, city or house -- definitive physical boundaries, resources, sovereignty over one's being, etc. -- it stands to reason that when a person is divided against himself, his stability and well-being are compromised.]
My most recent bout with "being against myself" began when I woke up on Mother's Day feeling sad -- a non-specific but definite sadness. I tried to shake it off. After all, it was a lovely day, and more than that, it was my day. My husband and four children were solicitous of my needs, wants and desires. I was their focus and everything was going "right" but the sadness kept interfering with my day with my family, so I decided to make it my focus.
As I quieted myself to investigate, I discovered an internal dynamic that resembles the scripture from Matthew 12. There were a number of thoughts that had been flitting through my mind, not just earlier on this day, but for several days previously. These were not just your garden variety thoughts either. These were decidedly negative thoughts and they sounded like this: "I'll never have the things really want." "I 've failed my children." "I'm where I'm at in life because I've made stupid mistakes." etc. etc. ad nauseum. (I could go on, but trust me, it went downhill from there.)
I decided to dump as many of these thoughts as possible onto paper so I could get a bead on what I was dealing with. They all had stinkin' thinkin' in common: all or nothing, black and white, always/never, can't, can't can't, etc. A couple of them were even judgments against God's goodness and faithfulness. Yuck. I "know" better than this. So what's up with this barrage of negative thoughts? (Sorta makes me think of that expression "being your own worst enemy"...)
Let's take this thing about never having the things I want. It is indeed true that I experienced several formative childhood years when our family's finances were absolutely bare bones. In fact my parents struggled to provide even absolute necessities for their five children, so it was no doubt "reasonable" for me as a young girl to conclude, under the circumstances, that I would probably "never" have things I desired. However, since then, over the course of my adult life, I've enjoyed many, many of the things I wanted, so this particular thought is no longer valid. Yet here I was "feeing" this way.
That's when it dawned on me. My feelings were "divided against" my rational thoughts. I would need to come to agreement within myself in order to experience well-being. After listing all the negative thoughts (which had been successful in ushering in the accompanying "sadness") I began a list of what I knew to be true about each negative thought. For example, while there are a lot of mistakes I've made as a mother, there are many, many wonderful gifts I've passed on to my sons and daughter, and that ain't nuttin'! And as far as the stupid mistakes I've made to get me where I'm at in life: hey, I've been affected by other people's mistakes too, not just my own. But more importantly, I've made many, many good decisions which have influenced the course of my life too, as have others.
So, I find myself in a process of persuading my emotion-based thinking to conform to my logic and adhere to what's true and accurate. I've been repeating the positive affirmations which counter those negative thoughts and this should enable the truth to gradually seep into my deep feeling thoughts. Until that transformation is fully rendered, I consider myself a little ahead of the game just being aware of what's happening in the Kingdom of my Soul, and insisting that those antiquated feelings get in step with reality.
Oh, and once I gave those sereptitious "lies" the boot, the rest of my Mother's Day was a joy.
-- Matthew 12:25b NKJV
When I read this verse several months ago, I made a note to myself to ponder it further. As I glanced at it this evening, I realized I have a real life experience to illustrate this one.
[I will take the liberty of applying the principle of being "divided against" (which in this verse is related to a kingdom, city, or house) to an individual. Since a person has many properties in common with a kingdom, city or house -- definitive physical boundaries, resources, sovereignty over one's being, etc. -- it stands to reason that when a person is divided against himself, his stability and well-being are compromised.]
My most recent bout with "being against myself" began when I woke up on Mother's Day feeling sad -- a non-specific but definite sadness. I tried to shake it off. After all, it was a lovely day, and more than that, it was my day. My husband and four children were solicitous of my needs, wants and desires. I was their focus and everything was going "right" but the sadness kept interfering with my day with my family, so I decided to make it my focus.
As I quieted myself to investigate, I discovered an internal dynamic that resembles the scripture from Matthew 12. There were a number of thoughts that had been flitting through my mind, not just earlier on this day, but for several days previously. These were not just your garden variety thoughts either. These were decidedly negative thoughts and they sounded like this: "I'll never have the things really want." "I 've failed my children." "I'm where I'm at in life because I've made stupid mistakes." etc. etc. ad nauseum. (I could go on, but trust me, it went downhill from there.)
I decided to dump as many of these thoughts as possible onto paper so I could get a bead on what I was dealing with. They all had stinkin' thinkin' in common: all or nothing, black and white, always/never, can't, can't can't, etc. A couple of them were even judgments against God's goodness and faithfulness. Yuck. I "know" better than this. So what's up with this barrage of negative thoughts? (Sorta makes me think of that expression "being your own worst enemy"...)
Let's take this thing about never having the things I want. It is indeed true that I experienced several formative childhood years when our family's finances were absolutely bare bones. In fact my parents struggled to provide even absolute necessities for their five children, so it was no doubt "reasonable" for me as a young girl to conclude, under the circumstances, that I would probably "never" have things I desired. However, since then, over the course of my adult life, I've enjoyed many, many of the things I wanted, so this particular thought is no longer valid. Yet here I was "feeing" this way.
That's when it dawned on me. My feelings were "divided against" my rational thoughts. I would need to come to agreement within myself in order to experience well-being. After listing all the negative thoughts (which had been successful in ushering in the accompanying "sadness") I began a list of what I knew to be true about each negative thought. For example, while there are a lot of mistakes I've made as a mother, there are many, many wonderful gifts I've passed on to my sons and daughter, and that ain't nuttin'! And as far as the stupid mistakes I've made to get me where I'm at in life: hey, I've been affected by other people's mistakes too, not just my own. But more importantly, I've made many, many good decisions which have influenced the course of my life too, as have others.
So, I find myself in a process of persuading my emotion-based thinking to conform to my logic and adhere to what's true and accurate. I've been repeating the positive affirmations which counter those negative thoughts and this should enable the truth to gradually seep into my deep feeling thoughts. Until that transformation is fully rendered, I consider myself a little ahead of the game just being aware of what's happening in the Kingdom of my Soul, and insisting that those antiquated feelings get in step with reality.
Oh, and once I gave those sereptitious "lies" the boot, the rest of my Mother's Day was a joy.
posted by Linda at
11:30 PM
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