Cat New Year's Resolutions

As the pleased and proud lover of an often impish six-year-old orange tabby, I share the following to ring in the New Year. Here's to 2006!

[Once again, I've had these so long, I don't remember who sent them... I wish I could properly credit them.]

• I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.
• I will not bite the cactus; it bites back.
• I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late night snacks.
• I will not teach the parrot to meow in a loud and raucous manner.
• The dog can see me coming when I stalk her. When she moves out of the way as I pounce, letting me smash into floors and walls, I will not take it as a personal insult when my humans sit there and laugh.
• I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
• I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter.