Fighting Wolves

[My friend, M.L., shared this story with me.]

An old Cherokee is telling his grandson about a fight that is going on inside him. He said it is between two wolves.

"One is evil, with anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other is good with joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one I feed."

Can We Coin a New Word?

One of the best gifts my Dad ever shared with me is a delight in the English language. I just love words and their shades of meaning. I was one of those weird kids who actually liked spelling and vocabulary quizzes.

One of my all time favorite gifts from my husband, on our 11th wedding anniversary, was a Webster's Unabridged Dictionary. (It said he understood me.) I've really enjoyed having this gigunda reference book in my very own home all these years.

I know, gigunda is not a real word. But it works. Made up words often work better than any of the words in that fat Webster's.

Like a word I heard a couple of weeks ago.

Procrastifectionist.

Isn't that a GREAT word?!! Fit my condition to a tee. It's helpful to finally have a name for a mindset that impedes my progress. Here's my proposed dictionary entry:

pro cras ti fec' tion ist, n. [L. from pro, forward, crastinus, belonging to the morrow, and perficere, to finish] a person who believes that perfection can and should be attained in this life, and lacking sufficient time to complete a task to perfection, puts off doing said task until tomorrow.

I could flesh out a procrastifectionist's profile here, but I think you get the idea. I have only recently identified perfectionism as the real culprit lurking at the root of some of my most self-defeating behaviors. In many areas of my life it can be found masquerading as excellence, but is actually, in fact, my own compulsion toward an emotional high that "perfection" delivers.

But that's a topic for another post. Stay tuned.

Beautiful Footprint

This photo is in honor of my friend and his wife. He just called a couple hours ago from the hospital. She is in labor and will probably be giving birth to their firstborn by suppertime. How exciting!

[Thanks, Betty, for sharing this photo.]

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for...

I'm currently organizing an Ice Cream Social fund raising event to benefit a local non-profit nursery school that serves low income families. Since the theme is all about America's favorite dessert, I've been learning a lot about the frozen confection. I thought these photos were too cute not to share.

By the way, there really are lyrics to the song by the above title!

Permission Granted

Yesterday, I was discussing with a friend my progress on New Year's Resolution #2. You know... the one I told you all about a couple months ago (Archives, Jan. 12th): regularly going to bed at my chosen bedtime.

I was telling her that my performance on this resolution is still spotty. In discussing my struggle, I commented that I view time as a commodity and that each of us has exactly the same amount of this commodity at our disposal. My problem is that I simply have not been "spending" my hours according to my predetermined plan.

Then she asked a key question: "What is it that you want to have in exchange for the time you spend doing things after your bedtime?" Made me think. It seems that I have difficulty on days that are crammed too full with meetings, duties, appointments, and work. At bedtime, I end up feeling sort of "recreationally deprived" and don't feel ready to hit the sack. This is especially true if I have several of these overstuffed days in a row.

I'm an otter at heart, and I am learning to accept the reality that a modicum of play is fairly essential to my well-being. As I continued analyzing my spotty performance, I realized that when I veer off my plan, about three out of four times it's to do something recreational (writing falls in this category; so does reading). It's after having some "just-for-me-time" that I can relax. (The other 25% of the time I'm usually trying to finish a project promised by a deadline.) So here's the exchange I realize I have been settling for: I'm trading much needed restorative and regenerative sleep for a feeling of rejuvenation and refreshment derived from doing my favorite fun stuff. Appears that I'm robbing Peter to pay Paul...

Her next question: "Why not give yourself permission to put work aside before bedtime and schedule in your play so that you can still get to bed and have some recreation?"

I realize that this is not rocket science and that you're probably thinking "DUH!" But it was very helpful to have someone look at my stuckness from another perspective and give me an additional handle on it. This old, old pattern of staying up late seems to be harder to change than I initially imagined. I have a deeply ingrained habit to stuff my days too full.

So, tonight I will close up shop an hour before bedtime and do something I truly enjoy. Since I'm the adult here, and no one's going to do this for me, I DO HEREBY GRANT MYSELF PERMISSION TO PLAY BETWEEN 9 AND 10 P.M.

And I will put this affirmation on a couple sticky notes and place them in a couple of strategic spots and repeat it often for as long as necessary. When I realize that the shift has occurred internally and I have achieved consistency, I think I'll throw myself a party (very otter-y of me, do'ntcha think?) to declare and celebrate the transformation!

And I promise to end it and have everything cleaned up by 10 p.m.

Ever Wonder?

I can always count on my friend Tena to send fun emails on a frequent basis. I really enjoy these lists of life's "pressing questions", so I'm sharing:

• How come wrong numbers are never busy?
• Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?
• Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
• Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
• How can there be self-help "groups"?
• Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
• Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?
• Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

"If I Love Until It Hurts..."

I have found the paradox


that if I love until it hurts,


then there is no hurt,


but only more love.

-- Mother Theresa

Take Control and Let Go

I'm going to share something I just read. I'm quoting a subscriber to my FlyLady Yahoo group (click on the sidebar link). I think her point is intact even though I break into her paragraph:

"...when I did lie down for a physical recharge (my body was not happy with me still), it was with the peace that the house was not exploding and I had taken control and let go -- does that make sense? You take control of the little things a little at a time AND you can let go of the whole overwelming feeling that you can't do it all, all at once." [Emphasis mine.]

Take control and let go... Now there's a paradox for you. But as I let that concept settle into my brain a little, it made a lot of sense.

The overwhelming feeling -- the one that's sure to deliver a bucket load of stress -- can keep a person paralyzed, and procrastinating, and all the while the problem just steadily gets worse. So letting go of that feeling is freeing and empowering.

The taking control a little at a time -- by doing what one can, with what one has, right where you are -- is the only way out of an imposing situation. It's proactive and positive. I may not be able to scale the whole mountain today, but I can climb the foothills. And we all know the momentum that is gained by just doing something towards one's goal -- even just a small portion of an overwhelming project -- gives the feeling of having accomplished something in the right direction, and it puts wind in the sails.

So, next time you get stressed out by a daunting circumstance, take a deep breath. Then exhale the paralyzing feeling of overwhelm. Next, take another deep breath. Inhale the strength to begin doing one little part. Don't let the negative energy of perfectionism (which sounds like: I can't do it all so I just won't do anything) keep you stuck.

Take control and let go.

Amazing Tennis Photos

Andre Agassi and Roger Federer played a publicity tennis match on a grass helipad atop a hotel in Dubai. Click here to view the photos at Snopes.com. (I tried unsuccessfully three times to upload them.)

I had to ask myself several questions:

• Would I do this?
• Why did they do this?
• Why would anyone do this?!!

Rest in Hope

I have set the LORD always before me; because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; my flesh also will rest in hope.

-- Psalm 16:8-9

I wonder how much benefit there really is in "resting" our souls "in hope". It seems to me that the confidence derived from a focus on His omnipresence and His faithful protection can't help but have a direct impact on our health and well-being.

The works of modern philosophers Paul Tillich and Rollo May identify anxiety as mankind's #1 existential issue. As we transform this generalized anxiety into a quiet, restful assurance in Him and His promised provision, then we make significant strides into the peace that passes understanding. A slow, steady shift, but one with dramatic implications.

May your heart be glad and your glory rejoice as your mortal, temporal (and, if you're like me, sometimes anxious) "flesh" rests in hope.

Reality Check

I spent all day Thursday and Friday in a workshop along with sixteen other folks. The trainer was top-notch and the material she presented was excellent.

The group itself consisted of Caucasian men and women (both Boomers and GenXers) and African American men and women (Boomers and GenXers in this group too); there was one person from Nigeria, one from Nicaragua, and one person of Hopi/Choctaw descent who grew up on a reservation. Now that's diversity, in my book.

The two days were filled with lively group interaction and lots of Q & A. We discussed topics like teamwork, decision making and ethics. Late in the afternoon of the second day, someone made a comment that I didn't actually give a second thought. Making a reference to the moral dilemmas a leader can face, it went something like this: "Consider the actions our founding fathers, whom we all look up to with great respect, yet from the British perspective whose actions were treason..."

I heard at least three participants from the minority ethnic groups represented shoot back, in unison, "Not everyone looks up to them." I was instantly catapulted from my bubble, as a member of the dominant ethnic group in our culture, into reality. I had read newspaper and magazine articles detailing the exceptions folks from various people groups take to the Euro-centric version of American history. I have been sympathetic to their objections to the popular telling of the story. How could the European colonials be perceived as heroic or noble from a Native American perspective? Likewise from the African American perspective?

However, I must admit that witnessing my friends' automatic reflex took my understanding of the issue to a new level. Their personalizing it transferred head knowledge to my heart, helping me "get" it in a new way.

The two days' training was very high quality, but the lesson I "learned" in that moment perhaps eclipsed the formal presentation because it was so real, so unguarded, so illuminating. I'm indebted to our workshop trainer for creating an atmosphere that was safe enough for them to speak out.

I'm going to send her a thank you note as soon as I post this entry...

Management Principle #13

"When you are in deep trouble, say nothing, and try to look like you know what you're doing!"

[Thanks to Neil Cox at lovingchange.com.]

A Sunday Evening Talk, May 26, 1901

We have come to the close of another school year. Some of you will go out from among us now, not to return. Others will go home for the summer vacation and return at the end of that for the next school year.

As you go out, there is one thing that I especially want to caution you about. Don't go home and feel you are better than the rest of the folks in your neighborhood because you have been away at school. Don't go home and feel ashamed of your parents because you think they don't know as much as you think you know. Don't think that you are too good to help them. It would be better for you not to have any education, than for you to go home and feel ashamed of your parents, or not want to help them.

-- Booker T. Washington, founder of Tuskegee Institute,

to the students just prior to graduation on May 30th

Energy Saving Tips

Here are some energy-saving tips from several organizations. Hope you find them helpful.

• The Center for a New American Dream (devoted to helping Americans consume responsibly to protect the environment, enhance quality of life, and promote social justice) offers both simple things you can do and long-term energy-savings suggestions.
• The American Council for an Energy Efficient Economy offers a consumer guide with things you can implement today, this week, and this year.
• The eplans site also offers a list of 10 energy saving tips for consumers (in addition to lots of neat house plans).

More Children's Letters to God

[In my post Letters to God from Children, December 30, 2005, I inaccurately stated that the letters were solicited by a nun from her students. I have since obtained a copy of the book from which they were taken (and subsequently circulated on the internet). In Children's Letters to God: The New Collection, by Stuart Hample and Eric Marshall, c. 1991, Workman Publishing, the authors make no comment about where they obtained the letters. I also posted some more of them on January 21, 2006, if you missed them.]

Dear God,
I am doing the best I can.
Frank

Dear God,
It is great the way you always get the stars in the right places.
Jeff

Dear God,
If you watch in church this Sunday I will show you my new shoes.
Mickey D.

Dear God,
My Granpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go?
Love, Dennis



Dear God,
My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right.
Marsha


Dear God,
My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha. Ha.
Danny

The Wisdom in Restraining One's Lips

In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.

-- Proverbs 10:19

I encountered the above verse a few days ago in my daily Bible reading plan. (I'm still on course with my New Year's resolution to read through the entire Bible in 2006, by the way. Due largely, I think, to having announced to all of you that I was committing to it.)

The verse reminded me of why I am even bothering to correct my conversational patterns in the first place [see my February 17th post entitled, A Lightbulb Moment]: I need more wisdom in my life. So lately, I'm concentrating on eliminating my unwise behaviors. It's still not "natural" for me to restrain my lips in some situations, but my "urge to blurt" is quieting down little by little as I withhold permission to indulge the impulse.

Reminds me of that old saying about listening twice as much as you speak since you have two ears and only one mouth. A friend commented last week that a person can learn some pretty amazing things from others if he restrains his lips. He said that he's found it effective in drawing out deep things in others.

A couple days later another friend shared a comment her uncle would make to her as a young girl: If you are always doing the talking, others will end up twice as smart as you. They will not only retain all the knowledge they have accumulated, but they will also have your knowledge in addition theirs. Listen more and you can be this smart too.

Hey, wait a minute... I think I just practiced what my two friends were saying -- I accumulated some wisdom from them as I listened. Thanks, guys. You know, I might actually get the hang of this...

Ever Wonder?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

If you’re in a vehicle travelling at the speed of light, what happens when you turn the headlights on?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Answers to Quiz

1. 116 years. In 1328, Charles IV dies, ending the Capetian dynasty. The French, under British rule at the time, reject Edward III as king and instead place Philip of Valois on the throne. This triggers the Hundred Years War, as successive English kings attempted to uphold their claim to the French throne. In 1453, Bordeaux falls to the French; the war ends without a treaty.

2. Ecuador. Panama hats are made exclusively in Ecuador and are woven by hand from a plant called the toquilla. The hat became known as the Panama when over a century ago the workers involved in the construction of the Panama Canal used the elegant fibre hats as protection against the burning sun.

3. Sheep and horses. Catgut is a cord made from the intestines of various animals, especially sheep and horses, but not cats. The membrane is chemically treated, and slender strands are woven together into cords of great strength, which are used for stringing musical instruments such as the violin and the harp.

4. November. The Russian October Revolution of 1917 took place on November 7th of the Gregorian, rather than Roman, calendar.

5. Squirrel, for instance. Camel hair brushes actually consist of various inexpensive hair types like Asian pony, bear, sheep or lesser grade squirrel hair. There is not a single hair from a real camel in a camel hair brush.

6. Dogs. The name derives probably from a north African tribe, the Canarii, or possibly the Latin term Insularia Canaria meaning "Island of the Dogs", a name applied originally only to the island of Gran Canaria. It is thought that the dense population of an endemic breed of large and fierce dogs was the characteristic that most struck the few ancient Romans who established contact with the islands by the sea.

7. Albert Frederick Arthur George, 1895-1952.

8. Crimson.





9. New Zealand. "Chinese gooseberry" is another, older name for kiwi fruit.



Apparently, various versions of this quiz have been floating around on the web forever, so no authorship claimed.

A Not-So-Obvious Quiz

1. How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2. Which country makes Panama hats?

3. From which animal do we get catgut?

4. In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5. What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6. The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7. What was King George VI's first name?

8. What color is a purple finch?

9. Where are Chinese gooseberries from?




Passing requires four correct answers. Check your answers tomorrow.

Wisdom from Herman Melville

"We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run as causes and return to us as results."

-- Herman Melville, American Author,

(most notably, Moby Dick),

1819-1891