A Lesson from My Teen
Yesterday was eventful for my sixteen-year-old: he had a head-on collision with another basketball player in PE. The school nurse's call informed me that he and the other student had seriously misjudged each other's next move, resulting in my son getting a shiner and a very crooked schnozz.
On the way to the urgent care clinic, he moaned slightly from under the ice pack. Using my best bedside manner, I told him I was very sorry he had gotten hurt. He answered that he was okay -- he wasn't in nearly as much pain as he anticipated, considering he had broken his nose.
Since the clinic was pretty busy, we waited quite a while before a doctor could see him. Again, in Comforting Mother mode, I told him I wished he didn't have to wait so long. He answered that he was okay -- he was mostly just uncomfortable not being able to breathe through his nose and that his lips were sorta dry.
The examination was fairly routine, with the X-ray clearly detailing what was already quite obvious: three fractures. The biggest hitch was when he cracked a joke, tickled himself, then yelped because using those facial muscles suddenly hurt.
We learned that the specialist would need to wait for the swelling to subside before setting the bones back in place. I told my son I was disappointed he would have to wait five days before getting his "old" nose back. He said it was okay -- he was just glad that it wasn't an eye that had gotten injured -- at least his nose was fixable.
Walking back to the parking garage, I told him I wished I could have gotten a parking spot closer to the clinic, and he said it was okay -- having his nose broken was better than an arm or a leg -- he could still get around easily and do almost everything he would normally do.
Wow. In spite of the moderate pain and mild disfigurement my son was dealing with, he consistently responded to my attempts to offer solace by reframing his experience, intentionally focusing on the positive aspects of his situation. I don't know exactly when it was that he grew to this new level of maturity, but there it was. Impressing my socks off. His capacity to recast the negative in a brighter light not only benefitted him, it also made my experience much more pleasant. I couldn't stop thinking about it the rest of the day.
Before heading to bed he said, "Thanks for taking me to the clinic and spending time with me today, Mom." I answered, "You're welcome, and I was glad to help you -- but that's just what parents do." His reply: "Yeah, but you didn't seem upset about it or anything." Probably due, in large part, to the way he handled his distress.
So, I'm thinking I ought to take a page out of his play book. A lot of the things I grumble and groan about are much less hassle than a broken nose. He set the bar pretty high, and I am challenged to follow suit.
We took a quick "before" snapshot before heading to the clinic just for the fun of it. Now I'm glad we did. I think I'll tape the photo to my computer to remind me that I, too, can reframe my negative experiences and choose to focus on the positive. And perhaps uplift others in the process.
I'm glad I had the chance to spent time together with my son yesterday too...
P.S. The last time I inquired, my son reported that the following is his favorite passage of scripture:
"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy — meditate on these things."
On the way to the urgent care clinic, he moaned slightly from under the ice pack. Using my best bedside manner, I told him I was very sorry he had gotten hurt. He answered that he was okay -- he wasn't in nearly as much pain as he anticipated, considering he had broken his nose.
Since the clinic was pretty busy, we waited quite a while before a doctor could see him. Again, in Comforting Mother mode, I told him I wished he didn't have to wait so long. He answered that he was okay -- he was mostly just uncomfortable not being able to breathe through his nose and that his lips were sorta dry.
The examination was fairly routine, with the X-ray clearly detailing what was already quite obvious: three fractures. The biggest hitch was when he cracked a joke, tickled himself, then yelped because using those facial muscles suddenly hurt.
We learned that the specialist would need to wait for the swelling to subside before setting the bones back in place. I told my son I was disappointed he would have to wait five days before getting his "old" nose back. He said it was okay -- he was just glad that it wasn't an eye that had gotten injured -- at least his nose was fixable.
Walking back to the parking garage, I told him I wished I could have gotten a parking spot closer to the clinic, and he said it was okay -- having his nose broken was better than an arm or a leg -- he could still get around easily and do almost everything he would normally do.
Wow. In spite of the moderate pain and mild disfigurement my son was dealing with, he consistently responded to my attempts to offer solace by reframing his experience, intentionally focusing on the positive aspects of his situation. I don't know exactly when it was that he grew to this new level of maturity, but there it was. Impressing my socks off. His capacity to recast the negative in a brighter light not only benefitted him, it also made my experience much more pleasant. I couldn't stop thinking about it the rest of the day.
Before heading to bed he said, "Thanks for taking me to the clinic and spending time with me today, Mom." I answered, "You're welcome, and I was glad to help you -- but that's just what parents do." His reply: "Yeah, but you didn't seem upset about it or anything." Probably due, in large part, to the way he handled his distress.
So, I'm thinking I ought to take a page out of his play book. A lot of the things I grumble and groan about are much less hassle than a broken nose. He set the bar pretty high, and I am challenged to follow suit.
We took a quick "before" snapshot before heading to the clinic just for the fun of it. Now I'm glad we did. I think I'll tape the photo to my computer to remind me that I, too, can reframe my negative experiences and choose to focus on the positive. And perhaps uplift others in the process.
I'm glad I had the chance to spent time together with my son yesterday too...
P.S. The last time I inquired, my son reported that the following is his favorite passage of scripture:
"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy — meditate on these things."
-- Philippians 4:8 NKJV
posted by Linda at
3:06 PM
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