April 15th Deadline

Yes, today is the deadline. But not the deadline you may be thinking of. My April 15th deadline has nothing to do with the IRS or filing my taxes.

Back in the middle of January, my husband and I had just begun an eight-week marriage class. One of our first assignments was for each of us to identify behaviors that caused us to experience a dip in "that lovin' feelin' " toward the other. (The rationale being that these behaviors are especially counterproductive in a marriage, to the point of diminishing the impact of all the wonderful and good things we do for the other.) I had to admit that for me to eliminate the No. 1 Negative Behavior my husband identified would not only benefit him, but my family and friends as well. It would also result in me having more peace in my life. A definite win-win.

The worksheet instructed me to make a written commitment to eliminate the negative behavior and to give myself a time frame for accomplishing this objective. I considered three months a reasonable period to work on this problem, after which, should the problem prove to be greater than I can resolve alone, I would seek professional help. As I completed the worksheet, I realized that three months would end on April 15th, which serendipitously added heft to the seriousness of my agreement.

What was the negative behavior, you ask? (I knew you were more than a little curious.) I committed to being on time for appointments and activities. No small commitment for someone who has had a problem being prompt since junior high. A character defect for sure. I'd made a project of overcoming it in the past several years, but hadn't actually succeeded. That is, until the author of our marriage class materials challenged me to ante up and put a deadline in writing for achieving mastery, and to commit to get help if I don't succeed on my own within the allotted time frame.

So here I am on my self-appointed Judgment Day pondering whether I've really achieved my goal of mastery or if I've somehow just papered over the problem. This evening I asked my husband for his assessment, and he made some positive comments. However, the proof of the pudding will be in the eating. (I looked it up: that's how the phrase actually goes. Was used in 1615 by Miguel de Cervantes in Don Quixote. I was more familiar with the subsequently shortened but mutant version of the expression, "the proof is in the pudding", but I digress...)

I feel a bit shaky now that my trial period is over. I lack absolute confidence that I have indeed replaced, baby step by baby step, my old patterns with healthier and more productive new patterns. Those old patterns were so well-worn and familiar. And the new is so, well....new. And therein lies the difficulty. Since people tend to revert to the old and familiar when stressors mount, I'm concerned that my best-laid plans will fall by the way-side under pressure.

But I need not fear. All I really need to do is continue to practice what I have learned during these past 90 days. It's sorta like those finger exercises my son played over and over on the piano to strengthen his fingers so that one day he could fly through those Chopin pieces. (Which he eventually did!) I too am strengthening weak "muscles" in order to eventually fly through my day's schedule without skipping any beats.

The lessons I needed to learn in order to make promptness my new pattern?

(To all of you for whom time management is a breeze: Please don't say "Duh!" so loud that I can hear you here in Columbia, OK? Thanks.)

• Being on time for an appointment starts about 24 hours earlier. I have to begin thinking about the things I need to do to be prepared for that activity or meeting well in advance. It means exchanging my fun-loving, spontaneous and spur-of-the-moment mindset for one that looks ahead further and makes plans. It doesn't seem as enjoyable on the surface, but in actuality is so much less stressful as I'm trying to get out of the house or while I'm driving to the appointment and hoping against hope that I'll make all the lights, that it's well worth the sacrifice.
• I CANNOT OVERSTUFF MY SCHEDULE!! I have come to see that just like the dresser drawer that has too many clothes crammed in it, my days and weeks have also been jammed full. I know, I know...I'm responsible for this. But I couldn't figure out how to thin things out until these past three months. (Yay for me!) I may not accomplish as much in this new mode, but what I do get done will be done with more peace. This blesses me. And everyone around me. Who knows -- if the greater peacefulness extends my years, it may come out equal after all...
• Keeping the surface of my desk clear is huge. I'm not exactly sure why, but it helps me stay ahead of the game. I think it's because there are fewer distractions to get me sidetracked from what needs to be done now in order to be ready for what's next. (Keeping other surfaces clear, such as the kitchen counters, the dining table and buffet, my dresser, provide tail wind too.)
• It's important to respect the commodity of time. Those of us who struggle with time management are notorious (so I understand) for underestimating how long it actually takes to do things. For instance, I have been known to spout "Oh, that'll only take me x minutes to finish" or "I'll be ready in x minutes" or, worse, "I'll be done in just a second." When I make one of these false assertions my kids will often unobtrusively roll their eyes or my husband will give me that look of unbelief. It is delusional for me to maintain that I can cram bank-box-sized tasks into shoebox-sized periods of time. I'm making an effort to state a more realistic estimate.
• AND, last but certainly not least, I need to adhere to my bedtime. Another matter of respect, but in this instance respect for my 53-year-old body and mind that need consistent rest to function optimally under the stressors that lie beyond my control.

I am not aiming for perfection here, but neither am I accommodating the excuses I've made in the past for my problem. Join me in a pep rally style cheer as I commit to continue practicing the new attitudes and behaviors that will ensure success: Go-o-o-o-o-o-o, Linda!